Snowflakes in Hollywood

by Freddie G. Sanford

Hollywood-based writer responds to irritating local critics

We received a couple complaints (actually a lot of complaints, but this IS Florida) about some of the SATIRICAL stories penned by our staff writer, Freddie G. Sanford, as being far too one-sided politically, to which side they never actually say, but we will assume they mean Freddie is too hard on Florida Republicans.

Here’s what they fail to consider when voicing that particular complaint: The state of Florida is both a Republican trifecta AND a Republican triplex. Trifecta is when one party holds the Governor’s office, the House and the Senate. Triplex is when one party holds the Governor, the Attorney General and the Secretary of State offices. A little education always helps.

In contrast, on the other end of the political spectrum, the state Michigan also has both a political trifecta and triplex. But it’s Democratic, not Republican.

Congratulations to all of the Florida Republicans! You dominate the state’s politics!

The fly in the ointment however, is that when one political party holds the overwhelming majority of power, then the overwhelming majority of the satire will also come from that same party. Especially since that’s the party running the ENTIRE show in that particular state, politically speaking.

Freddie grew up with a lifelong Republican father and a lifelong Democratic mother. So he says he was raised analyzing any and all sides of political leadership. Sometimes his mother was right, and sometimes his father was right. But neither was ALWAYS right, at least in Freddie’s opinion.

Freddie wants everyone to know that he enjoys writing satire and doesn’t care which political party provides material. He would love to rag on Democrats in Florida, it’s just that there aren’t that many Florida Democrats to make fun of, and those few Democrats ain’t trying to organize street protests to stop Gas Stove Bans, or banning the word “happy” (oops, we mean “gay”) or banning children books about Black people during Black History Month (Florida school district pulls PICTURE book on Roberto Clemente over passage that he faced racism)! In the year 2023. Freddie can’t make this shit up.

So in the future, if Freddie’s satire still appears to be too one-sided, and that he needs to satirize Florida Democrats far more regularly, then Freddie has come up with the perfect solution for all those Florida Republican snowflakes: 

Elect more Democrats! 😈

And we are NOT sending Freddie to Michigan! Florida is the land of plenty for satire!

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