Downtown Post Office to be renamed in honor of native Rep. Matt Gaetz

Downtown Post Office to be renamed in honor of native Rep. Matt Gaetz

by Freddie G. Sanford

New Speaker of the House McCarthy agrees to Polk Street Post Office name change.

Florida congressman Rep. Matt Gaetz, a Hollywood native, is being rewarded by new Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy for his much needed  “present” vote that enabled McCarthy to capture the Speaker’s gavel.

After Gaetz “ran out of things I could even imagine asking for,” one of his staffers suggested he ask for a Post Office to be named after him and become the only non-dead person with that distinction.

And after doing a deep dive on Bing, Congressman Gaetz chose the Post Office on Polk Street in Hollywood, especially since he was born in Hollywood. Of course McCarthy agreed, anything to get the job!

Gaetz selected this particular Post Office also because of its several connections to the MAGA bubble.

You see, the 11th President of the United States (1845 – 1849), James K. Polk, for which the street was named, was MAGA before MAGA was even cool.

For example, former President Polk, like former President Trump:

• Lowered taxes for the rich (the Walker tariff of 1846, named for at the time Secretary of the Treasury Robert J. Walker, not Herschel Walker).
• Hired a relative to run the White House (nephew J. Knox Walker, not his daughter) .
• Got the best and brightest people for the rest of his White House staff, bringing in slaves from his Coffeeville, Mississippi plantation (in those days the presidential salary had to cover staff wages as well and Polk wouldn’t use his salary to pay anyone other than himself).
• Started a war with Mexico.
• Served a single term (he decided not to risk losing by 7 million votes in a second run).

Gaetz’s office noted that Polk was also a one-time Speaker of the House (1835 – 1839) and that was a key reason why Gaetz nominated Trump to be Speaker – for historical MAGA consistency. Unfortunately, the MAGA bubble had already made up its’ collective mind on McCarthy.

In fact, once McCarthy settles into his new office, Gaetz plans to get the Speaker to force the city of Hollywood to rename Polk Street to Trump Street, especially since the city has renamed other streets in the past few years.

One excited fan of the Matt Gaetz Post Office is 17-year-old Lauren Taeylor Green. Now she plans to tell all her over-30 male friends that they should use Post Office money orders for her cash gifts instead of CashApp, PayPal, Zelle or Venmo, all of which leave a much more extensive digital paper trail for those pesky investigators!

True fact: At the very end of his presidency, Polk put in his will to have all his slaves freed at his and his wife’s death for servitude well done. Strangely enough, he died 3 months later.  No slaves were implicated.