New Sport Born From Natural Disaster

New Sport Born From Natural Disaster

by Cap Peterson

Ex-President Trump hurls towels to evacuees after Hurricane Maria

What started as humanitarian relief has become a popular sport across the country. When our now fearless leader, Ex-President Trump, toured Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria in 2017, he generously tossed out paper towels to residents that lost everything due to the storm. “People were ready to throw in the towel but I gave them hope,” the Ex-Commander in Chief said. “Nobody throws paper towels better than me. I just wish I could have reached folks in the back of the room but I was throwing off my back foot and my bone spurs were acting up. I got criticized for being insensitive but the media didn’t even mention that the towels were two-ply.” 

Trump’s tosses led to the formation of the U.S. Towel Tossing Association (USTA). “We’re really on a roll,” USTA official, Minerva Snottie. “Something great has come out of the tragedy. We fashioned our sport after the popular game of Corn Hole except we throw the towels overhand unlike Corn Hole’s tosses. There is never anything underhanded when it comes to our former President. We already have over 40,000 competitors with tournaments nationwide.”

At the local level, towel tossing clubs have begun play in Hollywood and Dania Beach. “Paper towels are flying off store shelves and are getting hard to find,” Snottie added. “ Brawny, Sparkle and Scott brands are popular and one of our players was arrested for shoplifting until he explained he was a Bounty hunter.”